It Ain't Always Applesauce

Yesterday, I was talking to a colleague, and I recounted the following story.

A few years back, my son's school began sending home brown paper bags full of food every Friday.  The bag would be filled with Pop Tarts, cups of applesauce, fruit snacks, crackers, and other things of this nature.  At first, I didn’t pay it much mind.  But, as the collection of Pop Tarts and applesauce in my cupboard grew, I started to become a little annoyed.  So, I called the school.  I reached an administrator, and I kindly asked why my son kept coming home with bags of food.  The administrator explained, with pride, that the school adopted a program where kids are sent home with food every week, because many of the families in the district are hurting for food.  As I could appreciate this problem, I was pleased to hear that the school was being proactive.   Partly wanting to be helpful, I asked the lady if she could take my son’s name off of the list of children who would be sent a bag of food.  “Why would you do that?” she asked.  “Because my son doesn’t need food.  We have food.  You can give his bag to someone who needs it.”  Suddenly, the lady sounded both confused and insulted.  It was as if I had given her information that didn’t make sense to her.

As I relayed this story to my colleague, who is an educator, he explained the lady’s confusion.  He explained that educators in these inner city schools often times have a narrative, in their heads, about their students.  They tell themselves that the students don’t have good homes, or that they don’t have fathers, or that they haven’t had a good meal all day.  He explained that, while this narrative is sometimes true, it is not nearly as pervasive as some would have us believe.  He went on to say, “Yes, these kids may have needs…”  I interrupted, “But it ain’t always applesauce!” 

We got a good laugh out of that. We went on to talk about ways that we could implement real change and have an impact on those kids.  I am hopeful that something good will come of it.  But, I think there is something important to be learned from that conversation.  Often times, when we seek to help people, we seek to help them with the things we’ve decided that they need, as opposed to simply asking them what they need.  Often times, the narrative we tell ourselves overshadows the reality of a situation.  As you go about the business of helping people, you would be wise to remember this.  The people you seek to help may very well need something, but it ain’t always applesauce.